When I jump-started this blog at the beginning of this year, I swore I would blog no matter how I feel. Well, I felt awful one day which led to a missed blog post. And then another. And another. I'm not going to back track and write a separate blog entry for each day missed, so I'm just going to unroll on today's blog, the days leading to my crash. Yes, crash.
After a flu-like feeling last Thursday, I finally got to the Doc today for a physical exam. Blood work ended up being normal. BP med dose reduced to 5mg (half). Any feeling of lightheadedness during marathon training I have to report. Thyroid seems enlarged, so I have to get that looked at. Could it be why I've been SO INCREDIBLY tired????
I napped the day away. It was awful. Completely useless. Could it be the flu shot the Doc gave me??
I did manage to squeeze in my #plankaday and #wallsit challenges. Not stellar, and definitely not as far as I can go on this day, but I did it.
Thoughts meandered towards my long run tomorrow, Saturday. 16 miles. I would definitely need an alarm like the one below, preferably the screaming kind, to get me out the door. Yes. I am determined to still make my long run. I'm going to go to bed early, get a ton of rest, and be refreshed the next day. Yes.
Yes, Saturday, the promise of a new day for this sickly runner. Well, not really. I got up, gave my alarm clock a good pounding, and went back to sleep. Not feeling good still, in fact, the not-so-great feeling spilled over into my family. My poor, poor boys, especially, The Hubs, who gets the brunt of all my crabbiness. I was feeling so tired all the time, yet I have a ton of stuff to do, now that I've decided not to run today.
Definitely feeling un-balanced, struggling with the demands of motherhood, wifehood, daughterhood and personhood. My one and only therapy, running, I couldn't even do because I felt like crap.
If this is my struggle and they say that to struggle is to grow, then I'm sure as heck that I must grow like a weed soon. I just can't get myself to celebrate the struggle right now. Not yet.
It became apparent to me how much a part of me running is. How everything seems better after a run.
|From Run The Edge on Facebook|
Struggles aside, The Hubs has been great about getting me to do my #plankaday and #wallsit challenges. They were definite challenges today because our boys walked between us and shoved Pillow Pet Sharkie (Little Man's beloved stuffed sidekick) at our faces while we planked.
I think I took all my frustrations onto my plankaday. One of few times I broke 3 minutes! Definitely a sure sign my inner warrior is lurking in the depths of my pathetic shell of a runner.
SUNDAY, RUN DAY? (The Crash)
So The Hubs and I decided that he would run his 15 miles first and then I would run my 16.
I actually woke up Sunday feeling better. It must be my meds. I'm on the right dose. I made chocolate chip pancakes for the boys and even found something to laugh about with the boys....
|Caught Our Foam Roller Romancing Jenga!|
Next thing I knew, The Hubs was back from his run and I was off to do mine.
It was chilly, but once I got moving, I felt good. What I determined to be my MCL tendon, was feeling a bit sore since Friday, so on this long run, I made the extra effort to be mindful of it and did the most stupidest thing ever.....consciously changed my gait DURING a long run. I'm so, so, very, very smart. My thinking was since my right foot splays out as I push off, it pulls my MCL tendon. So if I consciously keep my foot straight as I pushed off, it wouldn't pull. If my MCL tendon doesn't pull, then no pain.
My right quad felt sore. So sore that I had to stop my run at Mile 6.5 and walk the 1.5 miles home. In the cold. Normally I would've pushed myself if it was just sore, but it did not feel good all around. MCL tendon was starting to twitch along with my ITB. I felt SO discouraged. Tears. More tears as other runners passed me.
More tears at home as I sat on the floor feeling like I don't want to run anymore, feeling tired of injury after injury. I started to question why I want to run another marathon when clearly I can't even balance my life at home. What is wrong with me? What am I doing? What am I trying to prove?
I will always be forever grateful for The Hubs. He listened, he hugged, he offered kind, sensitive words. He just knows me so well to let me wallow in my sadness for the rest of the day. To let me purge every negative cell in my body, knowing full well that I will come around stronger.
He tried to get me out of my huge slump for my #plankaday and #wallsit challenges, but I just didn't have it in me. I squeezed out just the #plankaday challenge early the next day to make up for the missed plank with The Hubs.
MONDAY - Resurrection
I started my day with this:
I pushed away the dark clouds to let the sun shine through. After a day of darkness I just wanted to get back and move on. I really like the quote above, about embracing the flow of life....to see life as an adventure, not a hardship.
So I got back on the bike trainer for just 15 minutes, not too long, but enough to loosen up my legs. I then started working on strengthening my ITB, my MCL, hip abductors, then rolled the heck out of my legs and upper back, and finally iced a lot. ]
Starting to feel more myself. Determined and hopeful.
TUESDAY - Today!
I almost didn't, but I did. And i'm glad I did. I ran today. 5 miles. Very easy pace. I was a bit creaky, a tiny bit sore from yesterday's workout, so I was happy about the easy pace.
The 43 deg F temp felt like a heat wave! The sun was out and I knew this may be the only Run Day for me this week. So at the very last minute, met up with my friend, "J," and since we had a lot to talk about, we didn't care about pace and took it very easy. It was definitely a therapy run.
Halfway through our run, my friend "S" catches up to us and the three of us ran the rest of the hilly route home. For a moment I felt this surge of my old self again. I didn't care about my gait, let my legs and feet land however they want to land. Surprise, surprise, no pain! I just felt sluggish. (It's gotta be the flu shot).
I'm still looking for my old self, that happy runner girl who lives for every run. Hopeful my running mojo will be back. Well, it better, because in less than 7 weeks.....
EEEK! How is that to break you out of the slump and get back to busy?!!! I'm excited to run it with The Hubs. It will be his first full marathon! I just want to get there in one piece and finish in one piece.
I finished off the day with my ITB Rehab Routine, a short Myrtl Routine, some Foam Roller Moves, and of course, my #plankaday and #wallsit challenges.
A couple of things about the roller coaster last couple of days - it's ok to have bad days and to let yourself feel bad for a little bit. The next day, forgive yourself and pick yourself back up again. Let go of things that keep you from being strong. Listen to your body. Be kind to your body. Be patient. Embrace the flow of life.
I'm going to do everything I can to get to Shamrock Marathon. I won't let fear keep me from it. I will go with the flow, with what The Universe gives me. And know that everything will be ok.
Janathon Day 25, 26, 27, 28, 29
Moon Joggers Mileage To Date: 89.82
Going to see my doctor tomorrow, but I've been so tired lately. Like run over by a truck tired. I hope it's not the flu, but I don't have a fever. It's not fun feeling tired all day!
|Little Man having a blast scooping snow|
Today was a snow day, so the kids were home which meant no run for me, or so I thought. I discovered that 3 laps up and down and around my street is half a mile. So while watching the kids play, I did laps. I only got to 0.67 though, no thanks to the trash truck who left leaving tracks of black ice on the road. Ugh. So much for my 4 miler today! Nope, I do not have a treadmill and this is one of those days when I wish I had one.
The temps were in the teens. I couldn't last out there especially in running shoes, but the boys were loving it. "It's an after Christmas miracle, mom!" I do like it when it snows. We get to stay in after playing outside, have hot chocolate, and just be lazy and cozy in our warm house. Very grateful today.
|Tank (8yo) making snow angels|
Since I've been feeling so blah and low in energy, I did not try to make up for not running by getting on the bike trainer (which I thought about doing). I just decided to rest and hang out with my boys.
I forced myself to do my #plankaday and #wallsit challenges with The Hubs. Took a lot out of me. So I'm hoping this lack of energy is just from my meds and NOT the flu. I'm anxious to find out tomorrow. I cannot afford to get sick right now - not because of Shamrock Marathon training, but because I'm the captain of this ship and I've got boys depending on me.
|Yes, ironic, but this is all I've got tonight.|
Janathon Day 24
Moon Joggers Mileage To Date: 76.67
Busy day. I collapsed in bed after my #plankaday and #wallsit challenges. This calls for a refresh. I need to simplify my life. I have to learn to say no. Or maybe I'm just a little off-balance and need to shift a little.
I did wake up early - not as early as I wanted, though - and did my ITB Rehab Routine, Fast Abs workout and I got back on the bike trainer thanks to The Hubs installing my bike computer thingy. I only got to do half of the Myrtl Routine after my challenges.
And then...BOOM. Fell asleep by 10pm. Exhausted. Utterly exhausted.
Janathon Day 22
Moon Joggers Mileage To Date: 76
After running consistently now for 2 years, you'd think it gets easier to get out the door to run. No. It's still the same. This is was me today, having a hard time to get out that door to run. It didn't help that today was a holiday - MLK, Jr., so I hit that annoying snooze button for 30 minutes. Yes, 30 minutes. And after 30 minutes, I just turned it off! I was so tired!
When I FINALLY got my butt out of bed, it still took an hour for me to head out the door. I felt awful for taking so long, especially since The Hubs was planning to do his run today too. After some oatmeal and a banana, I stepped out into the cold.
I had 8 miles to do and you know, having 2 big slices of pizza the night before is not bad fuel for a run. Usually, I feel so sluggish in the first 2 miles. On this run, it only took me half a mile to warm up and then my legs just wanted to GO. I always run by feel, so I let my legs pace me, and I felt so light, "fast," and so free! Is it the pizza? Or my Nike Free 3.0s?? Or is it because my BP is now normal, not too low? Or all the above?
|Found that "Peace" necklace on my run today|
Runs like this remind me why I love to run. It's that feeling when you can just keep going, your body feels good, and you feel so much a part of what surrounds you. This is why I ran today:
I ran to make peace with myself. I am back on BP meds (Sigh), and after refusing to let genetics decide my fate, I let it go and went back to taking meds. I took half the dosage today which I think helped me feel less woozy and weak. I will know more when I see my doc this Friday.
I ran for a 3 yo girl with pneumonia, complications from the flu. One side of her body is paralyzed and I just cannot imagine what her mother, her family is going through right now. So I ran for her.
I ran to celebrate my RUNniversary. Four years ago today, after watching President Obama first inauguration, I decided to start running outside. It was the first day I took a step out the front door to run. It was cold, snow was on the ground, and I had no clue how to dress for a run outside. I ran with my winter coat! I remember running down my street and feeling like my lungs were going to explode (I sprinted, having no clue how to warm up of course). Up until that day, I was running on the treadmill, and it's only been a week since I started. It took me 2 years after that day to run consistently.
It is incredible to look back to where you started. I still have no idea where I'm heading, but all I knew at that moment during my run, is that this run feels good. I am alive, and I am grateful for this gift of running.
Of course, the day is not complete without closing it with my challenges: #plankaday and #wallsit with The Hubs.
Janathon Day 21
Moon Joggers Mileage To Date: 76
Another short post.
A warm Sunday called for outside play. Scooter rides made me feel 6 again. I am liking spirals in my hair.
I find out why I felt so zapped yesterday. Low, too low BP.
Consoling my 10yo after a NE loss made me think of when he was just 2, crying after a fall. The Hubs is consoled as it falls into perspective.
I am zapped yet again, but I clam-shelled, leg lifted, #wallsit'd and planked with The Hubs. I crave more rest. The End.
Janathon Day 20
Moon Joggers Mileage To Date: 68
|My treadmill when I don't know where to go, where to run...|